I am an addict, when I get on something it is hard to quit. I was getting caught up in the vortex of YouTube, you know that situation, you start looking at a DIY book shelf and next thing you know it’s 3 hours later and I’m watching a video about the migration patterns of sea turtles and have no idea how I got there. While in that YouTube rabbit hole, I came across a video that reminded me of a similar experiment from high school. The presenter had a giant glass container. He asked someone to fill it up completely with the large rocks he had given them. They did so and then he asked everyone if they thought it was full. They all said yes, and he then pulled out smaller pebbles and poured them into the container. They filled in the gaps and he asked again, if it was full. A unanimous yes, once again. He continued with tiny pebbles, sand, and eventually water. And each time they said it was full, but he kept proving that you could get more and more in that glass if you just looked for the right ingredients.
I could definitely relate to this on several levels. The most obvious was my addiction. It started off with large objects, but I wanted to fit more in my glass. I found something that would fill in the gaps to make me feel full. Everyone has heard of using drugs and alcohol to try and fill that “void” inside. But, as I have progressed through my recovery, I look at everything differently now. I tried to see how the glass experiment related to my life now. I have a great life not controlled by my addiction. But I am still trying to fill that glass with as much as possible. I feel like now that I have gotten this new freedom, I should take advantage of it. I pile as much on my plate as possible thinking that it’s what I am supposed to do. I try and fill that jar with work, recovery, personal life, family, and so much more. I realize that when I continue to fill the cracks in the jar it adds weight. And by adding weight the glass becomes so heavy that I can’t move forward. It makes me slow down and realize that it’s ok to not fill everything. I don’t have to be full all the time. It’s not always about filling the glass, it’s about the quality of what’s inside that matters.